Do you want to be happy?
Of course you do. We all want happiness. Every moment of our life can be weighed in terms of whether it makes us happy, or if it causes us to suffer. Sure, we’ve met people who seem to thrive on their own misfortune (or worse, the misfortune of others) but even they want to be happy. They just don’t know how to find happiness. Much of the time, neither do the rest of us. Even if we think we are basically happy, it often doesn’t take much to push us into suffering. Sound familiar?
I felt a serious need to investigate happiness. Simply, because I wasn’t happy. It’s what prompted me to work with a therapist. I might have balked at the prospect had I realized that the ongoing costs of therapy would approach that of a semester’s college tuition. Still, I’m glad I did it. The progress I’ve made is incredible—or so I am told—but I know it to be true.
I may never have come so far or so quickly had not another significant thing happened to me in parallel with seeking therapy. I found religion. Ok, not quite. Let me explain.
In January I began listening to a new podcast by my favorite internet personality, Merlin Mann. The podcast is loosely about Work. The discussion turned profound on February 1st when they released Episode #3. In it, they talked about their backgrounds and the things that shaped their personal philosophies.
Utterly captivated by the talk, I pursued the sources and delved in wholeheartedly. I read lots of books. I listened to podcasts. If you were to watch me in the evenings, it would appear that I did naught else. The underlying philosophy is—if you haven’t already figured it out—Buddhism. I won’t discuss all the ins and outs, so read this if you would like a 5-minute introduction. We could have a reasonable argument whether Buddhism is actually a religion since there is no creator god, nor the slightest trace of the supernatural in the tradition. Buddhists would say that it is a religion, because it is spiritual in the actual sense of the word. Spiritual, in that it relates to the human spirit or condition as opposed to material or physical things.
At it’s core, Buddhism concerns itself with understanding the human mind in the most intimate way. The old proverb says, “One can only be as intimate with another as one is with oneself” For many (most) of us, this study and comprehension can take a lifetime. The reward for this intimate understanding of the mind is a surprising awareness, even in the very beginning stages.
What really set the process in motion for me was this quote from a lecture (mp3) by the Ven. Robina Courtin, a Buddhist nun.
“It’s a practical issue. The bottom line is, ‘do you want to be happy?’ Do you want to feel less stressed, less miserable, less neurotic, more kind, more loving? Every one of us would have to say yes. If a dog could answer, the dog would say yes. It’s so clear to us. So all Buddha’s saying, is ‘Well honey, the methods you’re using now don’t work. Give them up.’ Not for moralistic reasons—‘because he said so’—which is how we think of religion. No, it’s simply because it doesn’t work. And if we have the humility to look, we’ll recognize the truth of this… the reason to do something is because it works. And what we’re dealing with here is learning how to discover, how to uncover our extraordinary human potential. According to Buddhism we all possess—innately—astonishing potential within our own being, right now, to be more happy, more wise, more loving, more kind, all the rest. All these words we know so well. They are our natural potential. It’s waiting to be uncovered.”
And that’s what I’ve discovered. I’m not enlightened, not even close. It feels obvious (and maybe it is, dear reader… I hope you’re farther the path than I) but it’s astonishingly simple: happiness lies totally within ourselves. It doesn’t come to us from the external, from jobs, things, other people, entertainment, food, our pets. It is realized from within. The realization of that happiness comes from developing an understanding of the mind to such a degree that our negative qualities—things like anger, fear, depression, jealousy, loneliness—simply drop away. Not because we don’t feel these things anymore, but because we understand that they are coming from inside our mind; not from the outside world.
Let me give you an example. Say you’re waiting for a bus. It’s a pleasant day. You’re reading a book. A man sits on the bench next to you to wait. Time passes and now the bus is running late. This doesn’t trouble you. You aren’t in a hurry, you’re reading a book. The fact that the bus is late doesn’t bother you at all. But the man next to you is fuming. He’s swearing at the inefficiencies of public transportation, the bus drivers. Now, is the bus running late causing the anger? If it were, wouldn’t it also be causing you to be angry? No, the cause of the anger is not the bus. The anger is in the man’s mind. Maybe he’s late for an appointment, maybe he had a fight with a family member. You don’t know. But whatever the reason, the bus isn’t the cause of the anger.
That’s just one example. We’ve all seen this. It’s easy to see in other people. But sometimes it’s very hard to see it in ourselves. The point is, all of these negative emotions—anger, fear, jealousy and all the rest—come from inside, not outside, and we suffer from them. This is not to say that things cannot trouble us, that people can’t cause us to suffer. The choice we have is to what degree we will suffer and for how long. It’s the direct opposite of the Victim Mentality. It’s the difference between saying “why do these bad things keep happening to me?” and “why am I allowing myself to suffer because of this?”
I haven’t even mentioned how all of this relates to the main delusions in Buddhist psychology: ignorance, attachment, and aversion. This is where you truly learn about yourself. I may discuss that another time. If you’re interested, please listen to the Robina Courtin lectures (especially lectures 26 and 27, below.) She’s a charming Australian.
So yes, studying Buddhism changed my life incalculably. I'm not saying that people don’t need medication or outside help from a therapist or another professional. This is obvious. Therapy certainly helps me, probably as much as the Buddhist studies. Maybe more. But what we need to know—and remember(!)—is that happiness is our natural state. It’s inside us. If we are to overcome our suffering, we must merely choose to understand ourselves in a fundamental way. Not only are we rewarded through becoming happy, but the people around us are rewarded by our increased compassion, joy, and strength.
And who wouldn’t want that?
Sources
I recommend the following materials if you desire to learn more.
Intro to Zen by Alan Watts - mp3 (free)
Lectures by the Ven. Robina Courtin
These are all free downloads courtesy of Zencast.org and the Insight Meditation Center. There is some music introduction to the first 3(?), and I encourage you to skip it because I find it unsettling.
- Zencast 26 - No Ego.. No Fear - Part 1 - mp3 (free)
- Zencast 27 - No Ego.. No Fear - Part 2 - mp3 (free)
- Zencast 72 - A Buddhist Mind - mp3 (free)
- Zencast 106 - Cause and Effect - mp3 (free)
- Zencast 117 - Bodhicitta - mp3 (free)
Books by Steve Hagen
These are Amazon affiliate links, which means I get 4% of the purchase price if you buy the book. Kindle versions are also available (for which I receive nothing.)
